 Author's note: Just for fun...with apologies to Raymond Chandler and Mickey Spillane.
 Who's the dame? Oh, that's my secretary, Thelma. I met her about a year ago in a lounge on the East Side, on the trail of some dip who'd stolen mrchewsasianbeaver a wallet from Baker, the landlord of the building containing my office. He dangled a year's free rent in front of me if I should find this guy and mrchewsasianbeaver get back his wallet, though he never said what might be in it that mrchewsasianbeaver was damned mrchewsasianbeaver important. Using my contacts, I followed him down to a little dive mrchewsasianbeaver where he supposedly did business with a fence named "Dr. Mesmer," the featured nightly entertainment
 And then there were his eyes mrchewsasianbeaver...perhaps it online was some mrchewsasianbeaver trick of the light, or specially made contacts. But his eyes had no irises or pupils. They were solid black, with red mrchewsasianbeaver flecks surfacing from mrchewsasianbeaver time to time, as you mrchewsasianbeaver looked deeper mrchewsasianbeaver within.
 "In so many words mrchewsasianbeaver, yes mrchewsasianbeaver."
 Now I mrchewsasianbeaver was sitting in mrchewsasianbeaver an armchair directly across mrchewsasianbeaver from mrchewsasianbeaver, if it was true, the Fallen Angel himself. Having a single-malt Scotch. While Thelma rubbed my back and neck.
 If I had ever had reason to believe I was losing my mind, that particular scene would have cinched it mrchewsasianbeaver.
 "Yes, the wallet. Sam online...I hope you mrchewsasianbeaver don't mind if mrchewsasianbeaver I call you Sam?...I mrchewsasianbeaver did indeed have a deal with Artie regarding this artifact. And mrchewsasianbeaver, anticipating your next question, it does mrchewsasianbeaver involve claiming his soul at mrchewsasianbeaver some point in the near future mrchewsasianbeaver."
 "So what's the deal with mrchewsasianbeaver this place? Why set yourself up mrchewsasianbeaver as a second-rate hypno-magician-whatever mrchewsasianbeaver in online a dead-end saloon at the edge of nowhere mrchewsasianbeaver?"
 As mrchewsasianbeaver I said before, there are two kinds of detectives, the quick mrchewsasianbeaver and the dead. And I ain't dead, yet. "So I'm here because...."
 "Come, come, Sam...you're alone in life mrchewsasianbeaver, you mrchewsasianbeaver don't even have a secretary, and Thelma hasn mrchewsasianbeaver't left this place mrchewsasianbeaver in mrchewsasianbeaver 200 years mrchewsasianbeaver. She mrchewsasianbeaver needs someone mrchewsasianbeaver to keep her mrchewsasianbeaver in check while she's learning all the ropes." Lucifer lowered his voice conspiratorially. "And mrchewsasianbeaver besides...she gives great head." He turned mrchewsasianbeaver to Thelma. "Show mrchewsasianbeaver him."
 Oh, I'll give it to the Devil, he tried to give me an out, to realize what mrchewsasianbeaver I was saying.
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